My Boundaries

I need full transparency and complete honesty in our marriage so that I can feel safe and secure in our relationship.  

-If I feel you have lied(directly or by omission), minimized, rationalized, or in any way been dishonest with me, I will detach from the relationship and seek inspiration to know what to do.

*Coming forward as soon as possible to correct your mistake and take full ownership and responsibility of what happened may help build long term trust. It doesn’t necessarily mean I will not need to detach for safety or that I won’t feel traumatized.

In order to continue putting effort into trying to salvage and strengthen our marriage, I need to see you actively working and living recovery.

-If I see or feel that you are slacking in your efforts toward recovery, I will seek inspiration on what level of detachment from the relationship will be best for me. 

For me to feel that my children and I are safe in our own home, I need to have complete and honest disclosure of your past and present sexual behaviors. This includes checking in daily, and informing me of slips and relapses within 24 hours.

-If I feel you are not forthcoming or willing to be open and honest about past and present behaviors (including but not limited to triggers, slips, relapses) I will detach and consider  either an in-home or out of home separation.

I need true intimacy in my marriage before engaging in sexual intimacy, and I have the right to say no to sex.

-I will not engage in sex without feeling intimately and emotionally connected. If I feel pressured to have sex (whether by you or not), I will take a period of abstinence and seek inspiration on how to establish safety and, (if possible) how to work on building true intimacy.

My home will be a safe haven for my family, and I will not tolerate any pornography or inappropriate content or behaviors. 

-If I see any media that is damaging to the spirit of our home, I will throw it away, turn it off, or remove myself and my children if necessary. 

-If you choose to view pornography or bring it into our home I will ask you to leave. I will seek inspiration through prayer and study, and will only ask you to come home if/when I feel comfortable doing so.

Financial stability and sensibility is very important to me. During times of separation, you will tell me how much money-at most-you plan on spending on food, housing, and other expenditures.

-If you spend any money before we have agreed on expenses you will not come back home until you have paid it back with funds outside of our normal income.(your current job)
-If you aren't willing to keep costs down and set a reasonable budget (talking to bishop about housing options, planning affordable meals) I will move towards a more permanent separation.
-If you exceed the budget we agreed on, you will not come back home until you have paid it back with funds outside of our normal income.(your current job)